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Story 108

© Illustration by Hannah.

How has Lyme Disease affected your life? What inspires you?

This last week I pushed my body to the limit with a new treatment. I haven’t felt body, head, and neuro pain like that in a long time. I could barely walk to get to the bathroom today. Didn’t eat until 3pm. The last week I’ve been up till 4am just trying to get comfortable to sleep. Today I felt like mentally I was going to break. My husband rubbed my back and told me you can do this Ali, you’re almost at the finish line, but all I wanted to do was scream.

I then had a friend call me up to video chat tonight and 10 seconds in she asked how I was feeling. Suddenly I felt like everything I was holding onto today was about to burst </3 I held back my emotions and we had a nice conversation and for that moment I forgot about this hard day, this hard 8 days. I’m so ever thankful for friends like her. I didn’t know how much I even needed to be asked that question.

I’m telling you now ladies, if you have a fellow Female friend who you think may be having a hard time reach out. You just don’t know how that one phone call or text could help her. Illness or not let’s face it, sometimes we just need another woman to talk to besides your spouse or partner.

Being a Mom can get damn hard and being a Mom with a #chronicillness and trying to stay positive for your child and family is mentally a challenge. During this strange time of being indoors 24/7 my daughter has now seen what I was able to hide from her while she was at school. That’s been a hard realization for me. Homeschooling has been maybe 2-3 days a week for us. Which as a Mom who wants a good education for her child I just feel like I’m failing her. The guilt is beyond on so many levels. Tonight before she fell asleep I asked her how she’s handling all this quarantine stuff. How she’s been feeling about seeing Mama in bed so much, if she gets sad and she said, definitely sometimes like today. I told her it’s okay to be angry and sad because I get angry and sad too, but there will be better days ahead. While her answer is maybe not what I wanted to hear, it’s reality. Of course like any Mother I want to protect her from all of it. I want to be the Mom she deserves.

What I’m realizing through this is I need to cut myself a break. I’m not traumatizing my child for life and I’m doing the best that I can for right now. It’s okay for me to cry alone in my bedroom if I need it and to feel vulnerable to my loved ones.

 So if you’re that Mom reading this post, you don’t have to be perfect, your kids love you no matter what. You don’t always have to be so strong for your partner, they love you just the same. In fact I’m giving you permission! Go ahead, lock yourself in that bathroom and cry it out if you need too. Cut yourself a break because you are doing the best that you can with what you’ve been given. You are human, you are wonderful, you are brave ♥️♥️♥️

Connect with Alison — Lyme Warrior & Mama. Lending Support to Moms, Kids, to those pregnant with Lyme ♥️ Support Group Leader of Lymie Moms Unite & Greater Philadelphia Area Lymie Moms.

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